To the girl that's been cheated on...
I'm not even going to say I'm sorry because me and you both know that doesn't help anything. The "it's okay" you say so quickly so you don't cry for the millionth time is something I know all too well.
Let me begin with this, my biggest fear in my past relationship was being cheated on. Flat out and honest that was something I was scared of and prayed never happened to me every single day. So when I ended up in my first serious relationship, I found myself watching my significant other and their every movement. I spent countless times over thinking their "friends", their words to others, and how they looked at other people. I honestly was engulfed so deep into my fear of being cheated on, I was exhausted. I was always so certain it would happen to me because I wasn't good enough and I wasn't as "perfect" as these other girls. Well, sadly all that time stressing over them cheating was a waste of time, because they ended up doing it anyways.
Let me tell you some good news, YOU WILL BE OKAY. Actually, better than okay. It takes time, it takes struggles, tears, and sleepless nights. It takes talks with God, and friends and family. But eventually, you will be alright.
When I first found out that the person that I loved and who "loved" me cheated on me, I lost all my self confidence and sense of worth. I didn't eat for weeks because I thought it happened because I was too fat, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I didn't want to see the terrible person my significant other saw and hated enough to find someone else, and I spent plenty of time looking at the girls I was cheated on with asking myself why I wasn't good enough like them.
Then one night I was talking with God, asking him "why?" I remember sitting there asking him over and over "Why? Why me? Why am I not good enough to be loved?" Honestly I've never been one of those people that has "heard" God, but that night something changed. I suddenly didn't have the desire to lay there and cry anymore, my heart finally came up out of my stomach and I could feel it beating, not breaking. I felt, oddly enough, okay.
Going through the heartbreak of being cheated on has taught me more than any other hardship in my life. After hitting my rock bottom, I learned so much about myself that I now understand God's reason for putting me through something like this. Let me share with you what I hope and pray you will learn about yourself after going through something like this, because these are things I have learned for myself:
1. Most importantly, you are good enough. More than good enough. You were made perfectly imperfect and all those flaws make you, you and don't ever think differently.
2. You will be happy again, yes it will take time, it will be weird at first, but you will find a sense of happiness again. Always remember that nobody can take away a happiness YOU created.
3. You get a fresh start at life and love. Yes those can be scary, but you get a chance to meet new people, make new friends, and start from square one with anyone and everyone you meet. Let the past make you better, not bitter and let people into your life, because there are some good ones.
4.You will have some major walls up, but one day someone will come into your life and help you take those walls down. Slowly but surely you will learn to trust and eventually give your heart to someone again. I'm not saying you wont get cheated on again, but at some point someone will come into your world and they will love and care so much they couldn't imagine the thought of ever hurting you like that. The right person, "the one", will treat you right and wont ever let you fall.
5. Don't let the past dictate your future. If there is one thing I learned, my energy spent worrying about my significant other cheating was just time wasted. A cheater is going to cheat, a person that loves you unconditionally will not. This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn, but in my future relationships, I will not spend a minute worrying about my significant other. The right person wont make you worry or give you doubts about their loyalty. Eventually you will have to let go and trust someone whole heartily and it will be okay.
6. Fall in love with yourself first, and the rest will follow. Sometimes YOU are all you have, so you might as well love yourself because the first step in moving on is loving yourself enough to know your worth and what you deserve. Not only that, but when you love yourself it makes it that much easier for someone to come in and love you. You will know what you want and what you need and that person can give it to you.
7. Never forget you deserve the world. Don't settle, don't be scared, set your expectations high in your significant other and stick with those values. The person who will love you correctly shouldn't think they are good enough for you, and will spend everyday trying to prove that statement wrong.
Lastly, wipe up those tears baby girl. Stay busy, go out with your friends, hug your parents extra tight, and never ever ever forget; you are more than good enough.